I wonder if I’m losing out. When I look back on my greater youth, I think on how I’ve squandered my gifts. I was a clever boy, enjoying my time solving puzzles and climbing trees. I could have been a nature scholar in the field. Maybe I could have been an archaeologist! But…

I’ve always been this way. I’ve always felt this way. How could a four-year-old fail to meet their own expectations? What was he needed to do? What am I needed for now? I have no children of my own. And that’s okay. It will likely be a good long time before I have kids.

I don’t even know if I ever really wanted kids myself. I already understand the beauty of watching somebody grow from the lessons I’ve learned. Do I really want children of my own then? So many of my expectations come from my perception of the world.

It’s time I set out to find my own, and stopped worrying about others’. For you, I hope you never forget. Your path is yours to choose. You may hide your form from another, but if you hide from yourself, you will lose yourself. Stay strong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Losing Out

I didn’t work hard cause
I’m afraid to succeed
and the only thing harder
than making me bleed
Is bleeding me dry
and watching others’ success
Cause I’m afraid to cause a splash
and make another man’s mess
And I hoped it all would work out
and feed the kids
But I sat and stuck around
while all the others went and did
So I never had kids
and I never got made
Now I never do work
so I hardly get paid

Hell I hope for high water
to get up and move
‘Cause there’s hardly any left
I thought I had to prove
so here I lie with nothing left
and I’m afraid to stay
‘Cause that commitment to some anything
gets in my way
And I know it’s some pathetic
but I want no pity
I just want to out about
and get my name in this city
Maybe somewhere long the way
I’ll make somebody care
But until I meet the mirror
I will never be there